Golf Blogger, 42, Found Dead after Struck by Golf Ball Torrent

June 21, 2007

Up here in Minne “snow” ta, we are big watchers of the weather. Sometimes Northerners like us say: “If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few hours and it will change.” We often talk about record snowfalls like the Halloween blizzard (30 inches on October 31st) or record cold temperatures. We constantly argue every winter if International Falls really is the coldest spot in the nation and if Good Morning America reports that we are, aren’t we proud.

The hardy souls in the land of 10,000 lakes seem to always be captivated by the local weatherperson, who by the way is often less attractive than the sportscaster, tell us to panic and run for cover because the next weather apocalypse is fast approaching from the West.

Bozos that wouldn’t know hail from Hale Irwin, call into local radio stations and provide great insight about what’s happening in their backyards. Wherever we are, we tune in to the local TV or radio station and stay riveted to our seats as the talking head babbles on about all of the school closings, severe thunderstorm warnings or flash flood alerts in our area. This must be the sign of the “end times” we say to ourselves.

What I find extremely funny is how we describe hail. Our hail can be pea, marble or pebble-sized. If the conditions are right we might even get baseball, tennis, softball or grapefruit-sized projectiles dropping from the heavens. I’m waiting for the day that bowling ball-size meteors hurl down from the sky ripping holes in our roofs or exploding through our pictures windows. Now that would be a weather story to remember.

My favorite though is golf ball-sized hail like we had today in Minnesota (I know you were wondering how I was going to make the connection). Can you image all of those “Titleists” falling from the sky at 100 MPH denting our siding, breaking our windows and dimpling our car tops?

Yet, we aren’t the only ones to be so lucky having Pro V1s crash down upon us. Here are some recent headlines: Thunder, Lightning, Golf-ball Sized Hail, Pummel New Hampshire; Storms Dump Golf Ball-sized Hail on Dallas/Ft. Worth, Golf ball-sized Hail Batters Broward County, Florida. Even the Chinese are not immune to nature’s golf ball barrage: Golf ball-sized hail pelts Beijing.

According to one of our local meteorologists, the largest hailstone ever documented in the United States hit Coffeyville, Kansas in 1970. It weighed 1.67 pounds, 5.7″ in diameter, and probably hit the ground at 120 mph. Until 2003 that is. That was the year the Aurora “Borealis” Hailstone crashed to earth. Don’t believe me? Well, just look it up on the website: Thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com so it must be true.

I can just see my demise reported in tomorrow’s headlines: “Golf Blogger, 42, Found Dead after Struck by Golf Ball Torrent”.

Now I’ll no longer worry when someone yells “Fore”. That’s only one golf ball that’s trying to kill me.


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One Golf Ball Brings Down an Air Force

December 17, 2005

Did you hear the story about the how one golf ball brought down an entire air force? Well, I’m sure all of you know where the Republic of Benin is. You don’t? It’s right between Togo and Nigeria in West Africa. Ahhh, now you know where it is. Well, in 1987, Benin had no golf courses. Yet, that didn’t stop Matthieu Boya from practicing his game. One day he was hitting golf balls into an open field next to the Benin Air Force base. He hit a high drive that struck a bird in flight. The stunned bird fell into the open cockpit of a fighter plane preparing for takeoff. The startled pilot lost control of the jet and crashed into four other planes parked on the runway. All five planes, making up the entire Benin Air Force, were destroyed. Well, now you know. I found this gem in Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.


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Michelle Wie’s "Funny" Uncle

December 6, 2005

Just last month, police in Seoul, South Korea arrested a 46-year-old man that was representing himself as the uncle of Korean-American Michelle Wie. He appears to have bilked 970 Korean investors out of $14 million for the development of a shoe sterilizing business. Mr. Wie (yes, same name but not related), alledgedly attracted investors to his scheme by showing a picture he had taken with Michelle Wie when she visted Korea in 2003. He claimed that Ms. Wie would be endorsing this business, when in fact she was not even aware of it. He had been perpetrating this deception since last year. You’d think that investors would have gotten wise to a shoe sterilizing scheme. I mean really! Wouldn’t a pair of Dr. Scholl’s Odor Eaters have done the trick just as well? Source: Joongan Daily.


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Steroids in Professional Golf?

November 22, 2005

I just ran across a very interesting article that appeared in ESPN.com, but was originally written by Matthew Rudy from Golf World. With steroids all the rage right now in professional baseball, he asks the question: Do steroids have a role in professional golf? Before this article, I really didn’t think about it. Most major sports test for illegal substances and the rules regarding them are outlined in each union’s collective bargaining agreement. The World Anti-Doping Agency tests nearly 170,000 samples annually and the International Olympics Committee is religious about its testing. Yet, golf has no rules to address this.

A major reason might be that golf does not have a player’s union. Another could be that golf is considered a gentlemanly sport. Gentlemanly or not, if a player can win $925,000 in one tournament like Fred Funk just did, getting a little extra help from steroids could mean a heck of a lot of cash over a golfer’s career. It might benefit our sport if the PGA and LPGA looked at this more closely before the Congress feels compelled to. Let’s use just one example. Of the 384 college golfers tested in the NCAA’s anti-doping program, 7 flunked their drug test. Perhaps steroids are more prevalent than we think.


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